Is this question ("how many kids do you have etc") more like a dispassionate "help me understand your point of view because at first glance it doesn't make sense to me" or is it more like "I am gatekeeping and you can only express an opinion if you have children old enough to have graduated college (or if you agree with me)"? I cannot te…
Is this question ("how many kids do you have etc") more like a dispassionate "help me understand your point of view because at first glance it doesn't make sense to me" or is it more like "I am gatekeeping and you can only express an opinion if you have children old enough to have graduated college (or if you agree with me)"? I cannot tell without nonverbal signals such as tone of voice. The latter would (without the parenthetical exemption) mean that very few current commenters could join a discussion and it would eliminate entirely the youngest and traddiest of generations, which I think is contrary to the "laity can has opinions, cats can has cheeseburger" spirit of Vatican 2.
Bridget I don’t disagree with your points generally and typically the “he who has the most kids wins the catholic prize” game is gross to me but his comment read, to me, more in the vein of “this reads like the best parents are the ones without children” kind of meme. In other words, are you speaking from a place of any experience or are you telling people living the realities of poor ccd programs and over expensive and unorthodox catholic schools how it “should be” when you yourself don’t live the reality of catechesis in the modern American church.
Division into tribes in the comments is not much use (although it is human nature, I think, even without provocation from the enemy).
I would recommend (to the audience in general) instead a letter writing campaign: not to the offending bishop, but to one's own bishop; not to complain or to persuade, but to express gratitude and filial affection. Bishops get mostly angry mail and they really appreciate a surprise note of thanks. (e.g. when I am mad at my bishop for moving a priest I liked, instead I write to thank him for the years in which this priest was with us, and in the note I mention some specific good quality of this priest.) In this case I would thank my bishop for not being the guy we are mad at, but I would phrase it in positive terms: e.g. thank you for your (small o) orthodoxy, for being someone we can rely on to lead us to Christ according to the teachings of holy mother Church, for fostering a spirit of unity in the diocese among people of different backgrounds, or whatever I can truthfully say. I would say also that I thank God for giving us this bishop and that I pray for him daily (if I do not pray for him daily then I will honestly state that I intend to start.)
If it is difficult to compose a letter then I would do it in front of the Blessed Sacrament and then it will take 5 minutes tops I think. It doesn't need to be long and can go in a greeting card. If we all did this what would happen? I don't know: it would be fun to find out.
As someone who lives in ADW I’m not sure many of those sentiments could be in my letter but you know what? Cardinal Gregory has been doing a homeschool mass for us at the basilica for a couple of years and I’m truly so grateful for it. We didnt have one this year I’m not sure why but it was very generous previously and I always meant to thank him
Bridget, It is coming from the place of someone who has had kids in Catholic schools from PreK-college, but who was himself homeschooled and understands why parents would choose differently. It is coming from the place of someone who has little patience for people who want blanket rules and are supportive of cruel policy, while evincing little in their writings that they understand the perspectives of others. Read Fr. John L's response above, to get an understanding of that. In my experience, people who have raised kids understand how difficult it is and are much more tolerant of people who do things differently than themselves. Foremost among these are people who have successfully raised kids who kept the faith. Everyone I know in that category is horrified by this policy.
In my opinion, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and parishes should take a broad, liberal view toward supporting families taking different approaches to raising kids. However, if someone wants to be exclusionary and cruel, they had better have a darn good reason for it and show some evidence that they understand what families are going through and how difficult it is to educate kids to both be successful professionally and to keep the faith.
To LinMGM's point, the only people I've known who had this much hate towards homeschoolers also had no kids. To a person, their perspectives changed as they had kids themselves and saw the educational/life outcomes of homeschoolers they had previously condemned. Young people are usually idealistic and think their way is the only way. Age tends to make people more tolerant of those doing things differently than themselves (unless they are captured by ideology and never mix socially with people different than themselves, as is the case for many chancery staff).
Bridget, I have to teach Gaudium et spes next week. Please know that "laity can haz opinions" is going to feature somewhere in the lesson, most likely superimposed on a picture of a cat wearing a slipper on its head. That is all.
Is this question ("how many kids do you have etc") more like a dispassionate "help me understand your point of view because at first glance it doesn't make sense to me" or is it more like "I am gatekeeping and you can only express an opinion if you have children old enough to have graduated college (or if you agree with me)"? I cannot tell without nonverbal signals such as tone of voice. The latter would (without the parenthetical exemption) mean that very few current commenters could join a discussion and it would eliminate entirely the youngest and traddiest of generations, which I think is contrary to the "laity can has opinions, cats can has cheeseburger" spirit of Vatican 2.
Bridget I don’t disagree with your points generally and typically the “he who has the most kids wins the catholic prize” game is gross to me but his comment read, to me, more in the vein of “this reads like the best parents are the ones without children” kind of meme. In other words, are you speaking from a place of any experience or are you telling people living the realities of poor ccd programs and over expensive and unorthodox catholic schools how it “should be” when you yourself don’t live the reality of catechesis in the modern American church.
True, it's a very difficult reality.
Division into tribes in the comments is not much use (although it is human nature, I think, even without provocation from the enemy).
I would recommend (to the audience in general) instead a letter writing campaign: not to the offending bishop, but to one's own bishop; not to complain or to persuade, but to express gratitude and filial affection. Bishops get mostly angry mail and they really appreciate a surprise note of thanks. (e.g. when I am mad at my bishop for moving a priest I liked, instead I write to thank him for the years in which this priest was with us, and in the note I mention some specific good quality of this priest.) In this case I would thank my bishop for not being the guy we are mad at, but I would phrase it in positive terms: e.g. thank you for your (small o) orthodoxy, for being someone we can rely on to lead us to Christ according to the teachings of holy mother Church, for fostering a spirit of unity in the diocese among people of different backgrounds, or whatever I can truthfully say. I would say also that I thank God for giving us this bishop and that I pray for him daily (if I do not pray for him daily then I will honestly state that I intend to start.)
If it is difficult to compose a letter then I would do it in front of the Blessed Sacrament and then it will take 5 minutes tops I think. It doesn't need to be long and can go in a greeting card. If we all did this what would happen? I don't know: it would be fun to find out.
As someone who lives in ADW I’m not sure many of those sentiments could be in my letter but you know what? Cardinal Gregory has been doing a homeschool mass for us at the basilica for a couple of years and I’m truly so grateful for it. We didnt have one this year I’m not sure why but it was very generous previously and I always meant to thank him
Bridget, It is coming from the place of someone who has had kids in Catholic schools from PreK-college, but who was himself homeschooled and understands why parents would choose differently. It is coming from the place of someone who has little patience for people who want blanket rules and are supportive of cruel policy, while evincing little in their writings that they understand the perspectives of others. Read Fr. John L's response above, to get an understanding of that. In my experience, people who have raised kids understand how difficult it is and are much more tolerant of people who do things differently than themselves. Foremost among these are people who have successfully raised kids who kept the faith. Everyone I know in that category is horrified by this policy.
In my opinion, everyone is entitled to their opinion, and parishes should take a broad, liberal view toward supporting families taking different approaches to raising kids. However, if someone wants to be exclusionary and cruel, they had better have a darn good reason for it and show some evidence that they understand what families are going through and how difficult it is to educate kids to both be successful professionally and to keep the faith.
To LinMGM's point, the only people I've known who had this much hate towards homeschoolers also had no kids. To a person, their perspectives changed as they had kids themselves and saw the educational/life outcomes of homeschoolers they had previously condemned. Young people are usually idealistic and think their way is the only way. Age tends to make people more tolerant of those doing things differently than themselves (unless they are captured by ideology and never mix socially with people different than themselves, as is the case for many chancery staff).
Bridget, I have to teach Gaudium et spes next week. Please know that "laity can haz opinions" is going to feature somewhere in the lesson, most likely superimposed on a picture of a cat wearing a slipper on its head. That is all.